Nick and Nancy Stinnett have partnered in research on strong families for the past thirty years.  Nick has taught graduate and undergraduate courses in the areas of Human Development and Family Studies for thirty-five years, most recently at the University of Alabama.  Nancy served as a teacher at the Infant Laboratory in the Department of Human Development, also at the University of Alabama.

Based on the largest study on strong families at the time they wrote their book, Fantastic Families: 6 Proven Steps to Building a Strong Family, in 1999—they contend that strong families are built with intentionality.  Too many husbands and wives, and too many parents just “go with the flow.”  We lack intentionality, have no plan, and as a result many times our families fall apart.

After twenty-five years of worldwide research involving over 14,000 strong families, they identified six definite steps to building a fantastic family.  You’ll have to read the book to get the full impact of their research, but the six proven steps are:

• Commit to your family
• Express appreciation and affection
• Share positive communication
• Spend time together
• Nurture spiritual well-being
• Learn to cope with stress and crises

Any time I think about the qualities of strong families, I am also reminded of a little book by John M. Drescher that I stumbled across several years ago with the mind-grabbing title If I Were Starting My Family Again.  A provoking thought, isn’t it?  Drescher offers several insights that I think are quite important in family life.  While I can’t start my family again, I can begin where I am today.

I would love my wife more.  With three children who kept our schedules extremely busy while they were still at home, I know what Drescher is talking about.  In the closeness of family life, it is easy to take each other for granted and let a dullness creep in that can dampen the deepest love.  Drescher contends that a child who knows his/her parents love each other needs little explanation about the character of God’s love.  The love of father and mother flows visibly to the child.

I would develop feelings of belonging.  Each child needs to sense that he belongs in the family.  When a child feels that sense of belonging, he has a stability that can stand against anything.

I would laugh more with my children.  Enough said!  Those happy experiences open the door for so many other things that the family can do together.

I would be a better listener.  We need to be better communicators and better listeners.  There is a vital link between listening to a child’s concerns when she is young and the extent to which she will share her concerns when she is a teenager.

I would do more encouraging.  In all relationships, Paul encourages us to use language that is “helpful for building others up” (Ephesians 4:29).  How important for us to persist in daily praise and encouragement in our homes.

I would seek to share God more intimately.  If children are to know God, parents must be the primary conveyors.  I like what Drescher says:  “If I were starting my family again, that is what I would want to be above all else—God’s love with skin on.” 

—Barry Stephens