Parenting Isn’t For Cowards

jlang@montereychurch.com — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 06:00:00 GMT

The sermon series titled Love Is A Decision continues this morning with particular focus on parenting. As a church family, we will extend special blessings to parents who have experienced the birth of children during this past year. This annual Family Commitment Sunday is always a reminder of the joy of life, and of the blessings and challenges that come in being a parent.

Regardless of background, training, upbringing, or physical condition, parenting requires some basic skills. May I suggest the following specifics for those of us who are parents and grandparents.

Comforting: Parents must be able to understand and share the pain when their children hurt. The initial step is not fixing, denying, condemning, or even teaching—the first step is always to identify with the pain.
Storytelling: Telling the story of your life is central to parenthood. Children need to hear what happened before they were around. The stories of difficulties, embarrassments, challenges, adventures, friendships, teachers, and fun times will help children build a parent-child bond that will serve them well for a lifetime.
Problem Solving: Children learn how to manage conflict by watching parents handle disagreements and solve problems. Parents model this skill as they settle their differences with spouses, friends, and relatives, and as they work through problems and crisis times.
Listening: Listening involves the eyes and the ears. Eye contact signals the ears are tuned in. Really good listeners are hard to find. This skill requires time, focused attention, and the ability to hear the feelings behind the words.
Involvement: Playtime is more important than most parents realize. Doing things together requires the investment of time, and time is one of the most abused adult resources. Involvement can mean lots of things, but in whatever form it takes, it is an investment that pays great dividends.
Blessing: Hugs and high fives and the words “I love you” are all forms of blessing. At the surface level, a blessing is any expression of love and appreciation for the child. At a deeper level, a blessing is acceptance and hope for the future, even in the midst of failure and disappointment.
Forgiving: People who live in the same home are bound to hurt and disappoint one another on occasion. These hurts, if not resolved, will grow into resentments that will destroy mutual respect. Learning to ask for and grant forgiveness is one of the most important life skills a child can acquire. For those of us who are parents, it starts by being open enough to ask for our children’s forgiveness when we have messed up.
Limiting: For some, setting limits is the hardest part of parenting. Healthy parents know that limits are necessary for a growing sense of security and for strong character to develop. Living within limits is a mark of adulthood and is part of the legacy we pass on to our children.

—Barry Stephens

Monterey :: Blog

Parenting Isn’t For Cowards